actually, I'm a sock model
I don't think brook has ever known best
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
