I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
