Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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