So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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