I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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