I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
