Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
