The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
