wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
