the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
