You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
