Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
