And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
