My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
