if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
jump out the window naked night went bad
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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