Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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