A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
