Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
