ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
