Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
