I got chris browned last night
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
