Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
