I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
