what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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