So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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