Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
