Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We got so high we made milksteak
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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