Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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