he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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