Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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