Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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