What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
