I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize