im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
