How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
