you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
