The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
