dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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