he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
