threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize