I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize