Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
