I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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