Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
