Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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