thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
