a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
