Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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