just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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