He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
