i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize