I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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