Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
