we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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