My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
