Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i believe in u and ur pee
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
