did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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