had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
honey bunches of taint.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
