I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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