I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
