Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
