i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Help. Why am I so naked?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
