Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
