woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
