20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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