508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
