apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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