I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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