where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
