I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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