When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
