If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
