sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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