after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
