I feel like abortions should bother me more
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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