dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
