I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
