I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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