Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
