I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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