Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize