so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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