someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
