So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
