I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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